tired~~~
yea, now, at 4.21pm
can't seem to sleep well these days
can lie on my bed and close my eyes for 30mins but still cant go to sleep ._.
i think im too stressed up...
yea, STRESSED UP!!!
mainly about the results and a bit about army

rumor is that results will be out on 1st march
seriously, cant it be slightly later?
then can book out haha
but im more worried about not having enough time to apply for uni courses, since im enlisting on 4th march,
and im worried for the future
have been talking to some peeps recently
never have i felt so strongly that we are all now at a crossroad
we all come from the same path, and are all gonna chose different ones
some will get left along the way, while others will take the same route as you
many will just go on their own roads
no doubt, you all will still meet up
but then i guess it wont be the same
just like how the transition from primary school to sec school, then to jc felt
you will gain many friends, but you will lose many as well

the topic of discussion nowadays is just:
hows a levels?
what have you been doing?
have you decided on which course to take?

the rush of time is too fast,
i havent had enough time to get to know my friends better, and to really sit down and think what to do next (well, after army)
jc was really a fast 2 years
its around this time too, 2 years back when i first stepped into aj, into ajchoir, into the next phase of my life after secondary sch
looking back, though it was fast, stressful and super tough,
i enjoyed the ride, though i will never want to take it again

its in aj that i grew, matured and learnt, not just knowledge, but about life
ive learnt that sometimes, giving up on something doesnt necessarily mean you can't do it; it can be because you know that there are greater, more important things for you to accomplish
ive learnt that when one doesnt give up, and keep pushing on, despite all the pain and negativity, the tides can still turn in one's favour
ive learnt that crying doesnt always mean that you are weak; it is a reminder that you are still human, and that there are things that you truly cherish
amongst many other things, these are the more important ones,
not the formulas or the theorems, those, many most probably will forget in time
but the larger, more important things,
those that will help in the long run

i recently chanced upon my senior's blog, and saw some of the things he wrote about jc life
really want to share it, cause of how true it is, though it is super long haha:

It was a journey. You had a map, nothing written on it. No paths indicated, no obstacles demarcated, no indication of terrain, foliage or elevation. You might walk over a pile of rocks, you would walk unsteadily, if you were careless and missed a step, you might trip, you might break something, you might sprain your ankle and cause you to limp. You might cross a river, it might sweep you off your feet, you might be swept away from your journey, but you might not – and you find yourself beaten, tired, weary, but on dry land. You might walk past pastures of glass, miles and miles of shattered glass, the remnants of preceding sojourners, who loved so hard, and fell so hard their crystal hearts outside of their ribcages smashed onto the ground. You walked over, leaving painful reminders on your feet, wounds that might momentarily open, that might momentarily bleed.

The weather was burning, you had to be fast, for you would dehydrate and burn, should you not. You were so tired through your journey, the zeal and excitement when you started simply degenerated and became a distant memory, it consumed your mind, jaundiced your speech, blinded your eyes, but never would you have touched it or felt it. You often questioned yourself, lamented about your choice, your decision to choose this path. You asked if it was the right choice, you asked if you could have been wiser. And you never got an answer. It felt cold, you were alone, you got used to the coldness, the displeasure of the severe slicing wind.

Yet, before you knew it, the sun rose. It was a brilliant orange, a resplendent light, a light that flooded the plains, lit the hills, brought the waters alive, shimmering, dazzling, twinkling and smiling. And you realised, hey, there are other souls too. Souls travelling the path you had taken, the roads that tripped you, pierced you, stabbed you, the burdens that formed paralyzing shackles round your ankles that made walking a tiresome affair. You all share the same wounds, the same pain, the same experiences but above all, the same goal. And surprisingly, it warmed and comforted you, for you knew that you were not alone.

While travelling, you filled up the map, one by one. At the end of the day, when you arrived at your destination, you realised that you have a map, a map that taught you the journey called life. No two had the same map, everyone had their own stories to tell, but one thing remains: you have completed your journey. You could pass on the map to a traveller adventurous enough to journey after you. You could share with him or her your scars, your broken bones, your pains and never should you forget, the pride and joy that you have felt at the end, when you have finished. You are a testament of bravery, of courage, of persistence, and of a warrior who lived through the hurts and tasted the sweet aftertaste.

I hate the scars, I hate the pain, I hate the memories, but I have indeed emerged stronger, wiser and older. I have learnt things that I could not have learnt elsewhere. I have gained things that no other place could offer. I have matured, deepened and gained a wider lens. I have found yet another treasure that I could hold dear – a treasure I otherwise would never have found.

quite nice what haha :X

ok that all lololol, praying for good results and for results day to shift :)

bye!